When I first downloaded a language exchange app, I had no idea it would completely change my life. At that time, my goals were simple: I wanted to learn Japanese, understand more about its culture, and maybe make a few friends along the way. My now-husband was there for a similar reason—he wanted to practice speaking English.
We were both divorced, carrying our own past experiences, and maybe in some quiet way, both of us were searching for something new. At first, we were just two strangers exchanging words across a screen, correcting each other’s grammar and laughing about small mistakes. But as the days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, the connection deepened. What began as language practice grew into late-night conversations, shared jokes, and honest reflections about life.
Eventually, friendship turned into something more.
From Words to Feelings
The first few months of our relationship were a mix of excitement and cultural adjustment. Coming from a Filipino-American background, I was used to showing affection openly. In my family and culture, we hug a lot, we say “I love you” without hesitation, and we tend to express feelings in words as well as in actions.
For my husband, things were different. Growing up in Japan, he had never really learned to say “I love you” (aishiteiru 愛している) out loud, even to people he deeply cared about. For him, love was shown in action, in reliability, in quiet presence—not in verbal declarations.
At first, I struggled with this. I would wonder: Does he love me as much as I love him? Why doesn’t he say it? But then, little by little, I started noticing the ways he did express love. He would make sure my shoes were neatly placed by the door, carry heavy groceries without me asking, and always check if I had eaten or needed something.
As time passed, he began to open up more verbally. It started small—phrases like suki da (I like you) or daijoubu, ore ga yatte okeru yo (It’s okay, I’ll take care of it). I could feel him trying, even though it was new and uncomfortable. Eventually, it became part of our daily rhythm to exchange little acts of affection. We might hold hands on the couch, share a hug before bed, or simply say something kind to start the day.
Even now, the phrase aishiteiru doesn’t come easily for him. But when he says it—even rarely—it means more to me than words spoken casually. It feels like a treasure, because I know he pushed past his own cultural barrier to give it to me.
Communication: Lost in Translation
If there’s one thing that has tested us most, it’s communication.
When you marry someone from a different culture and language background, even everyday conversations can be a challenge. Arguments, especially, become tricky. In the beginning, when we disagreed or had to discuss something serious, we often relied on translation apps. But those apps, as helpful as they are, don’t always capture nuance.
There were times when I wanted to soften my words, but the translation came across as sharp or even rude. Similarly, when he wrote to me in English, I sometimes misread his intentions because the phrasing sounded colder than he meant it to be. What could have been a small disagreement sometimes turned into hurt feelings—simply because of wording.
Over time, though, we developed ways to navigate this. If we felt emotions running too high, we paused. Sometimes we wrote things down instead of saying them, giving ourselves more time to think. Other times, we used both languages side by side to make sure the meaning was clear.
As my Japanese improved and his English became stronger, these misunderstandings happened less often. But more importantly, we learned to listen beyond words. A sigh, a silence, a gentle action—these sometimes carried more truth than what the translation app could offer.
Everyday Life Adjustments
Living together, of course, came with its own set of small but meaningful adjustments.
One of the first differences I noticed was about energy use. In the U.S., electricity bills never worried me much. I would leave the lights on when moving from room to room, or keep the TV running in the background just for comfort. But in Japan, my husband reminded me gently that electricity can be costly. At first, I laughed it off—but when I saw the bills, I understood. It was a small but eye-opening difference in daily habits.
The air conditioner became another topic of negotiation. I grew up blasting the AC on full power during hot summers, but here in Japan, efficiency is everything. My husband preferred using it sparingly, combined with fans or by closing curtains. It took me time to adjust, but eventually, I learned to adapt to the Japanese way of saving energy.
Food was another area of difference. Being Filipino-American, I grew up liking my fish cooked. My husband, on the other hand, loves sashimi. At first, raw fish was hard for me, but little by little, I learned to enjoy it—though I still sometimes prefer my food grilled or fried. He, in turn, started to appreciate some of my Filipino cooking.
But despite these differences, we shared important similarities. As Asians, both of us value family, respect, and the importance of eating together. Even if our plates look different—mine with cooked fish, his with sashimi—the act of sitting down together mattered most.
Affection Beyond Words
While verbal affection was an adjustment, my husband excelled at showing love through action.
He helps with chores so that I never feel like I’m carrying the weight of the household alone. He notices small things, like when I look tired, and will quietly take over tasks without making a big deal out of it. These gestures—often silent—speak volumes about his love.
I realized that in Japan, affection is often communicated through reliability and consideration. Where I might say “I love you” three times in a day, he shows it by making sure the laundry is done or by remembering what snack I like from the convenience store. At first, I didn’t recognize these actions as affection, but over time, I came to treasure them.
Cultural Clashes and Compromises
Of course, not everything is smooth sailing. There are moments when our cultural backgrounds clash.
For example, in Filipino-American culture, it’s normal to keep the TV on for background noise, or to talk openly about feelings. In Japanese culture, silence often carries comfort, and less is sometimes more. It took me a while to understand that when my husband is quiet, it doesn’t mean he’s upset—it often means he’s at peace.
We also had to adjust to different “rules” about cleanliness and organization. My way of arranging the kitchen or living room didn’t always match his. At first, I felt frustrated when he moved things around, but eventually I saw that this was part of merging two worlds. We learned to laugh about it, and sometimes we simply agreed to do things differently in “our” corners of the home.
Growing Together in Marriage
Now that we’ve been married for over a year, I can see how much we’ve both grown.
We’ve learned to handle arguments better, to recognize when miscommunication is the real issue, and to forgive quickly. We’ve learned to blend our habits, from food to finances, creating a rhythm that feels like “us” rather than just “him” or “me.”
What makes me happiest is seeing how my husband has embraced affection in his own way. The man who once struggled to say “I love you” now surprises me with gentle words, thoughtful actions, and quiet support that makes daily life lighter. And I’ve learned to appreciate the subtle, often unspoken ways love is expressed in Japan.
Marriage across cultures is not always easy. It requires patience, compromise, and sometimes a sense of humor about the small things. But it has also given me a deeper understanding of myself, my partner, and the beauty of love that transcends language and culture.
Final Reflections
Looking back, I realize how far we’ve come. From strangers on a language app to partners building a home together in Japan, our journey is filled with mistakes, laughter, tears, and growth.
We may still face misunderstandings, and we will probably always be learning new things about each other’s cultures. But we also know that love is more than just words. It’s in the effort we make, the patience we give, and the willingness to meet halfway.
Our story isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence, kindness, and the joy of discovering that love, in any language, feels deliciously the same.
Love is not just spoken. It’s shown, felt, learned, and lived. And in the space between English and Japanese, between Filipino-American and Japanese traditions, we’ve created something uniquely ours.